I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
