Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
