I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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