Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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