I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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