If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
