His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He did a backflip because drugs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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