I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
