She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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