hotel room ftw
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
