Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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