3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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