well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
