you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
