after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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