he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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