You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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