you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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