OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
