nut hugger
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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