Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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