After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
