Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
