I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We named our party play list daddy issues
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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