I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
