I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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