There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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