now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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