I think I am morally bankrupt
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
