meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
