I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize