someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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