Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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