i may or may not be watching the land before time
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
