i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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