What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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