It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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