some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
