Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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