I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am puke
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
