just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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