I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
