I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
