writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
