dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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