He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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