I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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