you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
