After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
