while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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