shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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