I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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