Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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