Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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