I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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