i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
