Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
