i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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