I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
