I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
