hotel room ftw
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
