Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I need to align my fucking chakras
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
