counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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