Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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