OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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